Photo by Devon Janse van Rensburg on Unsplash
For the past few years, the Washington Post has provided an alternative to New Year’s Resolutions. Instead of articulating the characteristics of a “good” resolution, it suggests that we adopt a nudge.
I had to think about that for a while: What is a nudge, and how is it different from an intention? As a devotee of Monty Python’s Flying Circus, I am first struck by how it has leaked into our vernacular as a short-hand for sexual innuendo (the “nudge, nudge, wink, wink” episode). Moving on, one self-help coach, opines that “”If a stick is floating down a river and gets stuck… It just needs a little nudge and then it will get back into the flow of the river.” Nudges are small but can have big effects. Chetan Bhagat adds that a nudge can be commonplace but “because it connects with you it holds meaning for you.” So, if nudges are both commonplace and sometimes unpredictable, why try to adopt one?
Well, having abandoned New Year’s Resolutions in my 20s (because they never lasted for more than a month), I discovered the nudge without anticipating it.
A few decades ago, I slowly became aware that judgments infused almost every interaction. Conversing with a colleague, my mind would remark, “he is a wonderful person, and his shoes are really great.” Why is that a problem? Because more often the automatic reaction was, “She is so smart, but I wonder why she can’t seem to get a flattering haircut.” Routinely grasping for negative observations was accompanied by my ubiquitous irritation with people who didn’t act to make my world better: the person in line at the drug store who wanted to discuss their medications at length while I needed to get out of there ASAP, the jerk in the car that pulled in ahead of me to enter the freeway without a signal. The list was endless.
That year, in the middle of a yoga class where I was, as usual, assessing the quality of everyone else’s Warrior II pose, I came to an instant insight: my unkind thoughts harmed me, but not the other person. The antidote came as a nudge: don’t resolve to stop thinking harshly – but instead embrace compassion. I held the nudge of compassion through yoga and other moments of calm for most of that year and it changed me. No, I am not perfect, but the judgment that colored my life gradually lifted with my nudge word.
There we are: insights and subsequent nudges may be unpredictable, but they are not random. We may not feel the nudge because we are not paying attention. Nudges come and go every day, but when I carefully read a poem, I sometimes gasp because it says something that I have not been able to articulate – almost any Mary Oliver poem can do that. Who is not nudged by her “What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” But I can also look for a nudge when I sense that need one – or, if New Year’s Day rolls around and I cannot resist the idea that every year brings something new. If I am lucky, a word or image appears, and when I am paying attention, I can hold it and keep it as mine.
But as I contemplate how a spontaneous nudge can change me, I am also leery of how human beings invariably try to tame the ephemeral. If you Google “nudge word”, you quickly come to social science, which tries to turn the expansive human experience into a solution for what ails us: “Nudge theory is a concept in behavioral economics, decision making, behavioral policy, social psychology, consumer behavior, and related behavioral sciences that proposes adaptive designs of the decision environment as ways to influence the behavior…of groups or individuals.” (Wikipedia)
Ouch — The social scientist’s nudge theory is designed to deliberately select small inputs to change people’s behavior in predictable ways. This does not sound like Mary Oliver, who invariably directs our attention to surprise!
In any case, my first experience of a nudge word, decades before it became “a thing”, suggests that when I am at a turning point, whether temporal, psychological, or spiritual, a word, phrase, or image can point a direction. This year, the Washington Post’s article led me to the word Journey. It feels like an appropriate invitation as I make deliberate choices to do less.
Focus on what is now in my wild and precious life rather than plans, goals, or anything else that causes striving. Chop wood, carry water. Do the next best thing. Take time to think about the journey and pay attention to what I can see right in front of me. Take time to look back and ponder what I have learned. Move, but not so fast that I don’t take time to observe…
Of course that is only a nudge….
Karens' Descant 